I sit here tonight and finish this bottle of red wine, that I don’t even really normally like, but it has been a day…
I reflect on my yoga class, I actually got to take, yesterday. My instructor handed out intention cards and we each randomly chose one. I read it and wondered what the hell it meant. It said, along with other things, “come out of the closet.” I dismissed it at first. I had nothing to come out of the closet about…
We practiced and I breathed. I attempted to clear my head with each deep breath, in and out. The teacher, at one point, reminded us to bring that card back to our attention. I internally shook my head and rolled my eyes.
At the end of class, she passed around a book that explained our cards in more depth. I read it and then it hit me. I understood right there…
What I am hiding in my closet is that I sugar coat things and that is why it always seems to come out wrong when I am trying to explain my thoughts.
So, here is ME, out of my closet…
I talk to everyone the same, because I feel that everyone is the same. I do not really state what I would like though, because I am conscious of the racial divide and the how a “privileged and entitled” white girl comes across and then I let my emotions fall prey to it. I only hope everyone feels my drive, hope and empathy. (I know it does not always come across that way.)
I make minorities (mostly my Black American friends) angry with me. It is so beyond my intention. I truly wish I had a magic wand to take away the bitterness, pain and division that engulfs our country daily.
What I would love to see happen is that we can all wash it away and join together to be one… One country, one group and one whole, complete humanity that loves and cares for each other.
What I realized, after I read the explanation in the book, is that I speak as I do because I only see people as people. I do not see color, race, differences in need, wants, desires and hope. What I see, is people who need love, respect, understanding and unity. I see me standing up and saying, “take my hand and together, we can make a difference!” What I want to see is unity, love, light and joy across every human face and heart.
What I was hiding in the closet was fear! I was afraid of misunderstanding and being taken wrong. That is why I kept trying to explain, sugar coat and reexplain that my true intention is love, respect and acceptance of everyone, and anyone and them to do the same for me.
Also, what I sometimes hide, is that I think we should all pull up our big girl or big boy panties and head on, deal with our feelings! I want to scream from the highest mountain, “who gives a crap about Trump, Obama, Eminem, Ashley Judd or the whole freaking congress! Do what is right! Do what God leads you to do! Pray! Stand Up! Scream if you need to! Just do something!”
I honestly feel that too many people in our country look for something to be bad and find comfort in the negative and hatefulness that engulfs us everyday! Too many scream for change, but know nothing to do, or refuse to do what it takes to change. (as I am coming out of this closet with fireworks!)
If you want change, you have to start with that face in the mirror!
God knows I have looked at myself many days and asked who the hell this person is looking back at me!!
But I do believe, and know in my heart, that everyone in the world is good, kind and just wants love, acceptance and respect. That is what I want to offer! It is what I try my damnedest to give everyday.
So it is not disrespect that I have for others. I KNOW I can never experience the life that others have lived. But I desire to speak to everyone as a friend and a human being. I do not feel the sugar coating necessary any longer. I pull up my big girl panties and I stand on unity, love and respect! I see everyone as a human with the same needs, wants, desires and hopes! There is no color, no differences and no division! We are humble, hopeful and loving humans that value friendship and support over any political and social craziness that the media or anyone else throws at us. I feel that we are this unique group of people who have an incredible opportunity to change the world, our future and most importantly, the future of our children, grandchildren and them children too!
I truly love all my friends with all my heart! And I want to make the difference in our world, but I can not do it alone!
Love to each of you!